How To Let Go Of The Past

"I want to visit my family, but the last time I was there, we had a bad interaction," said my new client at our first coaching meeting.  "I want to move past this but I feel stuck in that space of where we last left the conversation." This is such a normal and real reaction.  Our brains hang on to that information and the feelings associated with the so-called facts to protect us.  But does it serve us?  Here is what to ask yourself as you decide on your next steps.....

What are the pain points of not letting go of the past?

In this case, my client had identified that if she was not willing to let go of the past, it would "cost" her:

• potential relationship loss with her family member(s)
• future memory making with them
• guilt
• remorse
• regret
• feeling stuck in the past

Then we looked at the other end of the equation to evaluate......

What are the motivators for letting go of the past?

After looking at the list of pain points for not letting go of the past, my client was quick to list the many reasons that it could be beneficial for her to let go of the past in this situation:

• the relationship(s)
• the future potential of the relationship(s)
• the future is unpredictable and time is passing
• family is one of her core values
• the COVID shutdowns highlighted the missed feeling of proximity to loved ones

Creating both sides of the equation, without judgement helped her  lean in a direction of what she wanted.  She had been feeling immobilized prior to this exercise, and now she was gaining insight, focus and inspiration towards her next steps.  This simple exercise can be helpful and has basis in the wisdom of psychology.......

What psychology says: how to let go of the past

Psychology is the study of behavior and the mind, so where better to look for answers related to the question, "how to let go of the past" than within the field itself? Here are a few tips gleaned from psychology on the subject at hand:

1. Give yourself grace. 
2. Hanging on to that big event and the feelings associated with it is a natural reaction for the brain, and it is meant to serve as a protection so that you do not have to experience it again. So, don't beat yourself up for hanging on to the past.  It is a natural function of the brain.
3. Feel the feelings.
4. You will have feelings, many of them strong, about whatever situation you find yourself hanging onto. That is also natural, so try not to judge your feelings.  Journal about them or talk to a professional.  If you allow them to flow they will often dissipate and lessen in intensity.
5. Give yourself space and time to process.
6. You don't have to have it all figured out right away! Strong feelings and emotionally charged situations will need some breathing room in order to be processed.  Allow this for yourself as well as anyone else involved in the situation. Don't expect instant change or exchange of words. Decompress. 
7. Seek outside help if needed.
8. Sometimes we can use the clarity and neutrality of a professional when working through a situation.  That is totally normal and often necessary.  Look into the resources available in your area or online and connect with someone that you trust.

Health benefits: letting go of the past

Are you seeing the many ways that letting go of the past can be beneficial?  Here is another reason that may inspire you to let go of the past; your health may improve noticeably by releasing the heavy burden of the past.......

1. Blood pressure can improve.
2. It makes sense, right? Adding tension to the body and mind by holding tight to a past situation may elevate the blood pressure.  So, once you decide to let go of the past, restrictions within the body may also release.
3. Overall stress levels may go down.
4. Again, holding on to the past can literally produce feelings within the body of tension, tightness, restriction and blockage. Stress elevates whenever we feel constriction.  It makes sense that when we let go of anything which has brought about constriction that stress levels would drop.
5. Better and deeper sleep can occur.
6. When the mind and body are holding on to something tightly, rest and sleep often are affected.  The mind may be restless and keep you awake as you play the scene over in your mind or feel the tension in your body.  When the mind is feeling at ease, and the body experiences more peace, rest can be blissful.

As you can see, there are many positive reasons to let go of the past if and when you are ready. And if you needed just one more reason, here is how it can affect the future version of you and the life you desire.......

Energy flows where attention goes

If the past has had your attention, it is hard to look ahead and dream of your future.  Holding on to the past can be a little like driving a car and looking only at the rear view mirror.  You miss the present moment and have no vision for where you are going. Here are some things to think about in regards to flowing energy forward:

• When you release the past, you are able to look ahead.
• What kind of future do you want to create?
• As you focus forward, you will add momentum in that direction, and your attention will go there.
• When your momentum increases in the direction of your dreams, you will see that you are no longer stuck in the past.
• As your future desires start to manifest, you will know that your attention is on your present and your future.

Inspirational quotes to help you let go of the past:

• "Why let go of yesterday?  Because yesterday has already let go of you." -Steve Maraboli

• "Abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive." -Bryant H. McGill

• "You've got to make a conscious choice everyday to shed the old- whatever "the old" means to you."          -Sarah Ban Breathnach

• "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.  When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need."  -Lao Tzu

• "There is an important difference between giving up and letting go." -Jessica Hatchigan

• "You can't move forward if you are still hanging on." -Sue Fitzmaurice

• "Holding on is believing there is a past; letting go is knowing there is a future." -Daphne Rose Kingma



• "Learn from yesterday.  Live for today.  Hope for tomorrow." -Albert Einstein

Summary

It is totally natural to feel some compulsion to cling to the past, as the future is unknown.  The design of our brains is what may initially urge us to not let go of a past experience, as to try to protect us by keeping that "knowledge" at the forefront in order to not let that happen again.  But, this ultimately does not serve us in all circumstances, and we get to make choices about what we "keep" and what we "let go of" depending on how it is serving us or limiting us.  There are many benefits to choosing to move forward in the direction of our future and our dreams.  Know when you need help with that process and reach out to a neutral and trusted person.  Your future lies ahead of you.

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